Calvin, wanting to be a good steward of the planet was doing everything he could think of to conserve water. He realized though he could do more if he stopped taking baths. After all, how dirty can a 7-year old boy get?

Believing it would be a few weeks before anyone noticed his failure to bathe, Calvin was armed with responses when the world did realize it.

Calvin’s Top 10 Reasons to Never Bathe Again

10 – There’s too much commercialism in the world. Soap manufactures are just out to make money off of me and I won’t stand for it!

9 – It’s easier to skip bathing than try to decide which soap to use.

8 – I have far more important things to do than be clean. Look, I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks and nobody said anything. Why should my body be any different?

7 – Research shows that being around all those germs helps to boost my immune system.

6 – I’m afraid I’ll be sucked down the drain along with the water.

5 – In summertime, I go swimming almost every day, so that should average out over a years-time to taking a bath every few days, right?

4 – Who knows if the water coming out of the faucet is even clean?

3 – I want to keep my youthful looking skin as long as I can. Soap and water dry it out.

2 – If it ever rains again, I’ll stand outside naked.

1 – Cavemen never took baths and they still got chicks.